For a few moments today I felt like nothing was wrong with my body. I have become so fast at administering units with this pump it is as if I forget that I actually administered them. Or I find more often than not, that I actually forget to adminster them.
Later in the day, my laptop bag hit my abdomen where for the time being I have placed my pod/pump. A pain shot through my body as the cannula collided deeper into my subcutaneous fat. Later in the day I also experienced severe hot flashes, nausea, and throbbing pain behind my eyes.
My numbers have ranged between 99 and 154 today after eating only Taco Bell and having a diet coke. It has been a good day numbers wise, but again the fear is ever present.
I'm pulling through, for a clear moment today, I was walking and felt a serenity wash over me, and for the first time in a while, a smile, just to smile, came across my face. It was the most peaceful I have felt in ages. I don't know what caused it.
In all honesty I think I have accepted that in the long run, the diabetes will eventually take my life, or at least be a large contributor to my declining health in the next five decades. I feel at peace with this fact, much like coming to terms with death. It is liberating, and although it may seem sad, it is liberating. I must manage the best I can, I am going to fight for my time here on earth. I have to. I can't mess around with this time I have anymore, who knows how long I will have.
Every minute counts, the clock has started. Let's go.
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